Dear Physics Prof

Go die in a hole you lazy overpaid diminutive smug twat. You are, without any competition, the worst excuse for a teacher I've ever had (high school included). Here are some constructive criticisms so that maybe next year you won't have a room full of 200 people who all want to leap out of their chairs and jam a calculator down your throat

1. Office Hours: Get some. Just don't tell people that they can come by whenever and if you're there you're there and if you're not you're not. Fuck you. Do you have any idea how inconvenient that is? What makes you so goddamned special that you can be the only Prof on campus that doesn't have any office hours? Not to mention the fact that you never are there anyways. I've gone down about ten times and you've been there twice.

2. Lectures: Try talking about the subject that you're teaching. I understand that it's important to know how equations are derived but that's what math classes are for. This is a first year physics class. Me and maybe three other people are the only ones who know enough math to actually understand what the fuck you're doing when you derive formulas and that doesn't help us at all because HOLY SHIT, none of the questions we have to do deal with deriving formulas because this is PHYSICS not MATH. Maybe you should try doing more example problems with those formulas rather than deriving them for us and then looking smug when we have no fucking idea what to do with them.

3. Don't put a linear first order ODE on your midterm. Differential equations is a second year math course. Physics 102 is a first year course. Ergo: NO ONE KNOWS OR SHOULD KNOW HOW TO SOLVE A LINEAR ODE I don't care that you need to solve one to find the formula for the rate of discharge of a capacitor. Just give us the formula and we'll take your word for it that it works. Solving ODE's is once again math, not physics. If I wanted to solve ODE's I'd be taking a differential equations class. Oh wait, I am. Fuck you, stop wasting my time on shit that I not only don't need to know for this class but that I already know anyways. Plus, I'm about 90% positive that when you were showing everyone in the class how to solve for a discharging capacitance you told us that we wouldn't need to know how the formula was derived and you would give it to us on the formula sheet because we're not supposed to know how to do that stuff yet.

4. Formula Sheets: I can understand the reasoning behind why, unlike every other physics prof I've had, you don't let us make our own formula sheets. It's not unreasonable that some people would use that as a chance to cheat so I've got nothing against your policy for that. However, it would be nice if you maybe gave us all the formulas we're going to need as opposed to giving us maybe just over half of the formulas we need.

5. Can you please tell the jackass who asks retarded questions about the LHC every frickin' class to shut the fuck up? Cause it's not funny, it's a waste of my fucking time so stop humouring the dickhead and tell him to shut the fuck up. Next class, when he asks something stupid like "Could the black hole made by the LHC be the source of a magnetic field", instead of laughing you're stupid half laugh and going on about a bunch of stuff no one but you cares about just point at him. Point at him and look him right in the eye and tell him to shut the fuck up. You tell him "Shut the fuck up!".

Thus far you have been such a terrible prof that I have half a mind to study Physics when I'm done with Math just for the sole purpose of dedicating the rest of my life to proving every single one of your research papers wrong. But I won't because Math is better than Physics. You're just jealous because you weren't good enough for Math so she dumped your ass and it just so happened that Physics was there to comfort you. She tried her hardest to be just like Math but it wasn't the same. The things she said were basically the same but the way she said them was so different, so offputing. You were lonely and Physics was the only one there for you, Math had long moved on to bigger and better things than you. So you did what almost any person did and started eloping with Physics. After a while you were even able to look past Physics' horrible deformities but it still never felt quite right and by now you didn't have the heart to tell her so you stayed. You stayed and got old with Physics, slowly realizing what a horrible mistake your entire life has been, how you should have tried something, anything to stay with Math.

Well guess what Physics Prof? I'M TOTALLY BANGING MATH AND SHE SAYS SHE NEVER LIKED YOU. Go suck on that, bitch.