Dear Pat Robertson

Something happened a long time ago in America and the people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the English, ah y'know George III and whatever and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said "We will serve you if you get us free from the English". True story - and so the Devil said "Okay, it's a deal" and uh they kicked the English out. Y'know the Americans revolted and got themselves free but ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other: a civil war, The San Francisco Earthquake (and subsequent fires), The Dustbowl, stock market collapse, The Pearl Habour Attacks, The Vietnam War, The Detroit Race Riots, ALL OF THE 80s, The Oklahoma Bombing, 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina.

Y'know, North America is just one big island and right above America is Canada. Canada's fortunate enough not to have the entire planet scrutinizing it just waiting for it to make a mistake and then be really harsh judges when that mistake inevitably does happen. Everything America does gets judged though - and Canada certainly hasn't had nearly as many horrific tragedies as America (Halifax Explosion, Air India Bombings, Celine Dion). Same island, so why does Canada have it so much easier? Curses. That's fucking why. America needs to have and we need to help them with a great turning to God or we could call the Ghostbusters or whatever. Every little bit helps.


PS - Dear American friends: I really do love you all and your country too.

PPS - Dear Pat Robertson: Please stop using my name. J-just stop, okay? You've lost that privilege .

PPPS - That other journalist at the beginning deserves a medal for not straight up saying "No, you're fucking wrong. Just no". You can tell he wants to. Or maybe he doesn't deserve a medal for that? Fuck Journalistic Integrity.