Sunday, May 23, 2010

First thing when I get back to Canada I'm wearing a kilt and drinking in a park, or Screw the idiots who make the rules in my country.

Occasionally I like to read news from back home. Not very often but occasionally. Lately I've been reading it more - probably because I'm going to be going there soon.

In the last two days, I've come across two stories which have led me to become very unhappy with my country. The first is about a student, Hamish Jacobs, from a high school in south Alberta who wants to pay respect to his Scottish heritage and wear a kilt to his graduation ceremony. The school claims that this is against the dress code  They further this claim by going on to say that they allowed a previous student to wear a kilt and he flashed everyone. Obviously the way that one dresses is indicative of ones desire to wag their penis at everybody. 

As a Canadian citizen with Scottish heritage who is currently living in Scotland, let me simply say that this high school is very lucky to be nowhere near any large population of Scottish folk because this is exactly the sort of bullshit that they would not stand for.

The last time the kilt was banned was in the 1700s during a little something called the Jacobite Uprising. In short, there was a Scottish king ruling over all of Britain. The English didn't like him so they got rid of him and replaced him with an English bloke. This really pissed the Scots off so they just started killing the shit out of everything. In response, England banned kilts and all other manners of Highland dress in an attempt to squash Highland culture.

So it's kindave a big deal when some backwards hick highschool says that some kid can't wear a kilt to his grad. Kilt's are the peak of formality. They are worn at weddings, black tie events, and graduation ceremonies - and not just by a few stray Scots. They are worn by everyone. Dress pants are not formal enough.

Oh look! The Queen of England seems to think that kilts are a perfectly acceptable manner of dress and, let me remind you, the Queen (as much as I disagree with this policy) is the Head of State of Canada. As well as that, the kilt is part of our military dress. So yeah, RAYMOND SENIOR HIGH, you're definitely not overruling the traditions of the two oldest and most formal institutions in this country. Your opinion is correct here.

Anyone wishing to support Hamish Jacobs (or basic common sense and decency) ought to go here.

Now, for the second thing.  Ten Provincial and National Parks across Alberta and two in BC (Yoho and Kootenay) are banning all alcohol for the May Long Weekend. Alberta's tourism minister claims that this is a very small crackdown as they are only imposing this ban on 10 out of 500 parks in Alberta. Except for that one of those ten parks is Banff you fucking twat. It's not one of the biggest tourist destinations in the country - certainly not the biggest tourist destination in Alberta. So it's really not a big deal.

FUN FACT: Banning liquor doesn't work. Not even a little. People sincerely do not give a shit. For lots of people this is one of the few times in the summer where they're able to have a few days off work to go and blow off some steam and liquor ban or not, they're gonna god damn well drink. Not that I'm condoning getting completely shitfaced and being a jackass as some people will inevitably do but it's kindave a dick move when you ban THE REST OF EVERYONE ELSE FROM HAVING A SINGLE LITTLE DRINK AFTER A NICE DAY OUT IN THE SUN. 

It's completely the wrong way to go about things and more than a few honest good people's weekends are going to be ruined by unnecessary fines because your government is such a bunch of fucking prudes when it comes to drinking.

You know what's really nice: going to the park in the middle of the day, laying in the sun and having some drinks, or sharing a bottle of wine with friends by the riverside, or getting trashed at an airport cause you're pissed off at Iceland and have to spend the night and have nothing better to do. What part of our society is going to come crashing to the ground if you let people drink in public? None of it. In fact, you'll find a much more relaxed and conservative view towards alcohol consumption when it's not treated like a cardinal sin.