Friday, September 24, 2010

I am sick and tired of this stupid goddamned fucking shit country

Or perhaps I should say "cuntry". No? Though I am a fan of silly puns, something about the word cunt doesn't allow it to mix well as a pun (usually). Oh well. Anyways, to the point.

Things I like about Canada

1. Peanut Butter
2. How people in cars actually slow down and don't try to run you over

Things I dislike about Canada

1. The current weather. If I wanted to be somewhere where it was overcast, gloomy, and drizzled rain, I wouldn't have fucking goddamned left Glasgow

2. Homework. Assigning homework for marks is the worst idea ever. You shouldn't be evaluated on how much you know something WHILE you are trying to learn it. You should be evaluated after you're already supposed to know it. Homework-for-marks is akin to going to a bands practice session and telling them they suck cause they didn't play everything right. The system we have here essentially punishes you for trying to learn something.

3. How the airport is right beside my Uni. I want every plane that flies overhead to crash because fuck people going places without me. Also: how about the only thing keeping me from getting on one of those planes is because I leave my passport in my flat before going to the Uni.

4. Whenever people say "It must be good/nice to be back". No. No it fucking isn't and there never was a point in time when it was. Actually, there was one point where it was nice to be back in Canada. I was in California at the time though so fuck this country. I'm so sick of lying to you because you'd get offended if I told you that this country was shit. Well it is. Canada is shit. You're only lying to yourself when you think otherwise. Fun Fact: Every country on the face of the earth is shit, some are just less shit than others. And I'm sick of how Canadians think Canada is so much fucking better than American. It's not. It's marginally better, at best. At least there's Americans who aren't afraid to admit that their country is shit. In Canada it's a mortal fucking sin. Sure, you can call your hometown shit and you can call your province shit but you'd best not call the country shit. Well it is. Canada is shit. Get over it.

And cut out this artificial nationalism bullshit. Fuck I goddamned hate maple leafs hanging out of so many fucking goddamned windows in this fucking goddamned country. I saw nowhere near as many flags of St. Andrew's Cross in Scotland. And that's a flag that actually represents and means something; a centuries old struggle with the English to retain Scottish independence and culture - and they fucking won cause Scotland is hard as fuck. What the fuck does a maple leaf mean? We make syrup here, I-I guess?

5. How the fucking university won't let me take as many goddamned courses as I fucking want. Fuck those guys.

6. The chip shop next to my flat. How the fuck has that place won "Best French Fries in Kelowna" for the last six fucking years. It's so fucking shit. They're all soggy and don't even come with salt or vinegar, what the fuck? And then they wrap in it fucking last weeks newspaper because I suppose, much like British chip shops in the 1800s, they're too fucking poor to afford proper wrapping paper. It's not fucking 'authentic', it's tacky. Even the most touristy chippy's in London don't do that shit (or maybe they do? probably not though). And then they don't even offer chips and cheese. Fact: The highest selling items from any chip shop are, chips and doner kebabs. The chips usually come with cheese or maybe curry sauce. Most people don't get plain chips.

7. How everything is so far apart. Being able to walk everywhere for everything you could possibly need = fucking convinient

8. The lack of music. For a country with 30 million people, jesus christ we don't have alot of very good bands. In fact, most of our most popular bands are total and utter shite. And our major cities ( I am counting Kelowna, Calgary, and Edmonton here because I have been to them all recently and none of them had anything) have shit all for live music. A single night at King Tut's has better music than Kelowna will see in a year. Better atmosphere too. Why don't crowds here fully sing songs before the artist even steps on stage?