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What he doesn't know is that Palestine put itching powder under that hat |
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| This will get you into most South American countries |
Canada, get back here, I've already got one of your passports. No, that's fine, you don't need to apologize. Though, if it isn't too much trouble, could you maybe look into joining the EU. Their money has ridiculous colours like ours so it'll hardly be any difference. Or could you maybe even give up sovereignty and go back to being owned by Britain? That would be just as good - even easier too, seeing as how the queen is still our head of state.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is, I want to hang out with you all, I really do. Yes, even you Burkina Faso. Of course I remember your name, just because no one else does doesn't mean you're not important. But really, you are making it really difficult. I'm doing my best here but, honestly, the vibes I'm getting is that you'd really prefer for me not to come over. And I don't think anyone wants that. So, please mail me passports. Passports that are 100% real and have my very own name and picture. Thank you.
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ReplyDeleteBwuahahaha. I like it. And I agree- it's like everyone's doing their best to make sure NO ONE LEAVES ANYWHERE. Honestly, I wonder what the home lives of people in those government jobs are like.
ReplyDelete*gets up*
"Honey, where are you going?"
"I have to use the bath-"
"Did you fill out the form? It's right there on the nightstand."
"... well, I just really have to-"
"No, the form! See, I put it right there for you!" *hyperventilating*
"We talked about this, remember?"
"HERE'S A PEN!"
"... Honey, I'll be right-"
*cries* "Pen?"
"... I'm having an affair."
So sad.
Also- I deleted the comment because I fucked up writing it and decided I had to fix the grammar because I'll ill like that.
Or I posted something incredibly filthy and felt morally obligated to make sure no one ever accidentally read it.
Y'know. Whichever.
You realize that the comments get emailed to me?
ReplyDeleteHow Orwellian, right?
I KNOW ALL OF YOUR MISTAKES SLASH FILTH
Good call though, adding the affair bit was a nice touch. Out of curiosity, have you ever written any comedic stories - like fiction I mean - your blog generally leans in that direction and it's quite entertaining
Motherf*ck. WHATEVER. MAY YOUR INBOX DIE OF GRAMMAR-CANCER.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I re-read it and decided it sounded almost exactly like something I wrote in grade 8. And then I hated myself for a bit and decided to fix it. And then apparently the internet fucked me sideways, which was exactly as unpleasant as it sounds.
And I haven't really written anything comedic aside from a random story me and Steph used to email each other back and forth (around grade 8, incidentally) for a year or so until my computer ate it and we gave up. But it was great... I feel like restarting it, actually. There was a moose. It was wonderful.