Friday, April 3, 2009

The Biggest Dickhead in the World

Today I found out who the biggest dickhead in the world is. You may have your own idea about who the biggest dickhead in the world is, perhaps you think it's Bush, Cheney, the executives at AIG, Stephen Harper, Bill O'Reilly, or whoever is responsible for jewel CD cases. You would be right in concluding they are dickheads but if you think any one of them is THE BIGGEST DICKHEAD, you are wrong (In all capitals to get my point across). No, the biggest dickhead in the world is Pope Benedict XVI!1$@#&%$@. Why do they still use Roman numerals? Dude doesn't speak Latin.

Anyways, on the surface he appears just to be your typical overly religious bigoted prig. He called Mohammad's teachings evil and said that homosexualism was against nature. This is a typical level of dickheadedness and I would be resoundingly shocked if there ever is a Pope who doesn't believe such things.

Of course, being Pope, he has to win at everything - even being a dickhead. Wracking his brains for something so unbelievably uncomparably dickish to do, he found something. He went to Africa and while adressing a good 30,000 people, he told them that condoms do nothing to help stop the AIDS epidemic and that the African peoples would be much better off without them. Now, I realize that Pope Benedict10000 (dude doesn't know binary either so why not?) doesn't have any formal training in medicine but it doesn't take much of a mental leap to realize a disease that spreads through the contact of bodily fluids could be minimized by a device specially designed to prevent the contact of bodily fluids.

He went on to say that abstinance is a much better alternative which he is technically right about. Only there's that small little bit about human psychology and biology that makes it necessary to fuck. Damn we like to fuck. It'd go against nature to not have sex (ZING!).

So right now he's sitting at a giant level of dickheadedness. Hundreds of thousands of deaths can now be attributed to him (not to mention the thousands of unecessary and unwanted births). But wait, there's more! Turns out, the Pope is a Nazi and I don't mean that He-did-terrible-things-and-Nazis-did-terrible-things-so-therefore-he's-a-Nazi. I also don't mean that he's-a-German-and-Nazis-were-German-so-he's-a-Nazi-LOL!. No, I mean that the guy was legitimately a Nazi. He joined the Hitler Youth. It was mandatory to join. He had no choice. He even skipped out on all the meetings because alot of Nazi activities were "Anti-Christian". What a good testament to his infallible and godlike character. He then worked at an anti-aircraft unit protecting a factory that used slave labour from Dachau to make airplanes. Eventually, he deserted, another testament to his character. Except he didn't desert till August 1945. Guess when the Armistace was signed. AUGUST 1945. He says that he was drafted and that he had no choice.

Fuck you. Fuck you right in your over-glorified asshole with that ridiculous fucking hat until your clogged and mutilated rectum floods your stomach with blood and you start vomiting it up in such vehoumous and powerful gags that your stomach starts ripping itself to pieces and then the blood gets loose and is free to spread internally to every inch of your body and you eventually die of hemorraging. You always have a choice. Even when every part of society is against what you "believe in", there is always a choice. Being passive and going with the crowd is no excuse. If you truly gave every inch of yourself to your "beliefs" you would have found a way to disengage yourself from the Nazis. Would they have killed you? Most definitely. But at least if they killed you, you couldn't be held accountable for the actions of the Nazis. How many slaves died working in that factory you guarded? How many of them got a nice steamy shower when they became too undernourished and weak to keep on working? How many of the planes built there were apart of the Blitzkrieg? All of it, your fault.

Also: I'm holding you and only you as personally responsible for the death of Anne Frank. If a 16-year old girl can understand that something is horribly wrong with her country than I expect that the future Pope would. Actually, it would do the world good if her book replaced the Bible.

In conclusion: Pope Benedict(The third root of 4096) = The Worlds Biggest Dick.

PS - He even looks like Senator Palpatine

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