1. Laws. We have way too many of them. I propose that all laws be boiled down to the simplistic, yet effective "Don't be dicks, okay you guys". And don't tell me this is childish, naive, utopian and impossible. I have a rather effective and realistic system for enforcing this law inside of my brain and one day I might introduce you to it but right now it's really shy and new people scare it so much that it piddles all over the carpet. BAD IDEA! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!
2. Marriage. I don't see any symbolic representation of love with marriage - which, I assume is the reason why people get married (ideally). All I see is an unnecessary amount of paperwork and hassle so that the government can marginalize and control something that can only be understood by the two people doing it. Oh, and believe me, they'll be doing it wink wink nudge nudge. Frankly I don't want a file on me locked away in some cabinet in the basement of some lonely dark building that says "DUDE! CHECK OUT THE CHICK THAT BRECK IS TOTALLY BANGING. SWEET DEAL!". The only way I'll ever marry someone is if they happen to be a really really close friend who also happens to be foreign and also happens to be currently in the deportation process.
3. Birthdays. Yeah, that's right. I just referenced myself. Meta is the new cool. Probably because I'm so cool. I'm gonna go meta till I hit infinity and then he'll be all like "Owwwww, why would you be tho MEAN too me *cries*". For some reason I picture infinity as having a flamboyantly gay accent. I'm not sure why. Also: Did anyone else watch that kids show "MedaBots"? If so, were you as disappointed as me when you found out that it wasn't about robots made by robots.
4. Eating meat. From a purely logical standpoint, I don't understand it. From a purely satisfaction standpoint, however, HOLYCRAPYUMMY! Seriously though, the current way our food production system works is a giant waste of resources. To make a pig that feeds 10 people requires enough energy to feed 100 people and that's a ballpark figure (read: low). Mathematically, meat always loses and we all know how much I enjoy math. We also all know how much I enjoy a nice plump juicy barbecued steak.
To be fair though, if all farms were run like this one it would be a waste to not eat meat because the animals each play their own critical role in a delicate self sufficient eco-system just like how nature intended. If Jurassic Park taught me one thing it was 'stay out of the long grass'. Oh, and also 'don't fuck with nature unless you want 7.5 tons of Theropod chowing down on the tires of your overturned car like they were Ho Hos'.
5. Airport/border security. Guy's, if people want to blow things up inside of your country or sell drugs, there is absolutey nothing you can do to stop them. Last I checked Capitalism = Personal Freedom. Sacrificing freedom for an illusion of safety is never an acceptable option. This one actually goes back to number one. Don't be dicks, you guys. People who blow shit up = Dicks. Airport/border security = dicks. Guys who sell drugs = debatabley not dicks just as long as they're not selling to idiot kids who don't know better. I for one, would be much more satisfied in a world that was a little bit more dangerous but a whole hell of alot more free.
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