Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Things that make me irrationally angry.

1. The Gregorian Calender. Could we maybe please invent a way of keeping track of things so that our year doesn't have 365.2425 days please? The number of days in a year should be a whole number, as should the number of hours in the day. You can't just slap an extra day on every four years and claim that everything is cool just because you devised a solar calender accurate to 0.8 days in 4000 years. Who cares about accuracy with that amount of duration. I'm all for tweaking our calender so that we can express the number of days in a year as a whole number.

Some more things. The number of weeks in a year is 52. Seven days in a week makes 52 x 7 = 364 days. That's even less accurate. And how about months? There's what, fourish weeks in a month? Fourish, no. Whole numbers here people. All the months should have 28 days, not just February. Frickin' useless piece of crap Gregorian Calender.

2. When certain things aren't symmetrical. Example: The new Student Center being built that I pass every day multiple times. They started putting a whole pile of glass windows (skyscraper style) on but for some reason there were two windows just off center that they decided to not put in. So for about a week every time I walked past there was this nice pretty wall of windows with TWO GAPING HOLES JUST RANDOMLY SITTING THERE. FUCK. It drove me crazy.

3. The imperial system. Fuck you Burma, Liberia and America. You know what's really easy. WORKING IN BASE TEN. There's a reason why everything in metric changes by tens and that reason is because that's how our numerical system works. Here's a quick example on why metric is way the fuck easier than imperial.

How many millimeters are there in a centimeter? 10. How many centimeters are in a meter? 100. How many meters are in a kilometer? 1000. How many centimeters are in a kilometer? (100 x 1000) = 100,000. How many millimeters are there in a kilometer? (10 x 100 x 1000) = 1,000,000. How many kilometers are in a millimeter? (1/1,000,000) = .000001

Now, the same exercise in imperial

How many quarter inches are in an inch? 4. How many inches are in a foot? 12. How many feet are in a yard? 3. How many yards are in a mile? 1760. How many feet are in a mile? (3 x 1760) = 5280. How many inches are in a mile? (12 x 5280) = 63360. How many quarter inches are in a mile? (4 x 63360) = 253440. How many miles are in a quarter inch? (1/253440) = .0000039457.

Now, which one was easier? Also... inches. I am so not onboard into splitting them up into indefinitely smaller fractions as required. What if you need to measure something really really really accurately and wind up with something like 41/512 ths of an inch. The fuck does that even mean. Well, it means that it's 1/512ths more than 5/64 ths of an inch. And 5/64ths of an inch is just 1/64 th of an inch more than 1/16th of an inch and 1/16th of an inch is somewhere right before 1/8 th and right after 1/32 nd. If anyone can follow the simplification of fractions there without using a calculator or a piece of paper you win a free hug. FROM ME. Also: FUCK IMPERIAL.

4. The guitars that the Jonas Brothers play. Yes. Of all the things that could piss me off about them it's their guitars. Seriously. The one guy gets to play a frickin' Les Paul. FUCK HIM. If you're gonna touch such a goddamned beautiful instrument could you please maybe try to do it some justice? I could screw that guitar it's so frickin' sexy, literally. And I mean literally. But I'd take it out to dinner first cause a classy lady like that deserves some fine dining before the show.

The other guy isn't much better. He's got a Gibson SG which is basically like Les Paul's slightly-less-attractive-but-also-a-wee-bit-sluttier-and-more-open-to-new-things-sister. Sorry SG, no dinner for you. HA! more open... sorry. Also: I'm a bit pissed that how they got to play with Stevie Wonder and then the guitarist in Stevie's backing band did all the frickin' work while the Jonases flailed on their guitars like a kid with Parkinsons trying to masturbate for the first time.

EWWW. Fuck you Jonas. PS - I think you guys should mail me your guitars cause they would be much happier with me

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